Developing the Sense of Responsibility

As a parent, one of our goals for our children is that they develop a sense of responsibility.  This concept can be introduced at a young age by allowing them to help.  Let them set the table starting with napkins and then adding silverware, cups, plates, etc... as they are capable.  This teaches them one-to-one correspondence - one napkin for each place - as well.  Letting them bring you their place settings when they are done or empty the room trash cans into the big trash receptacle are other ways.  Cleaning up any mess they make teaches responsibility and accountability for one's actions.

I would let my sons make their own beds but taught it in steps, working backward with the process.  First, I would make it up to the point where the cover went on, and that was their task.  Then, I would not go quite as far in the bed making so they were gradually doing more each day or week until they were doing it all.  This way, they always felt a sense of accomplishment without my having to "finish" or "redo" what they had done, a sure way to discourage effort.

Putting away their toys was also their responsibility.  We had toy boxes so it would be an easy process.  When we graduated to bins, they learned to sort or only work with toys in one bin at a time.  We allowed time before the bedtime reading and tuck-ins to put things away.  If they chose not to do so, items left out went into one big box in which they would have to hunt to find their stuff, or into a bag which was put out of their sight and reach until a later time decided by the parent.

Laundry was done in a similar manner.  At first, I washed everything and then they sorted their clothes (since they knew which "under-roos" were whose!)  When they had their own rooms, they had their own hampers.  I had a day assigned to each for laundry, so if it was in the hamper on their day, it was washed.  If not, they would have to ask their brothers for permission to include the forgotten items in with their clothes.  As they aged, I taught them how to do their own laundry if something was forgotten, but it had to be a full load - once again requiring them to ask a brother if he had something to add.

Chores were assigned or selected or traded at family meetings held informally each week.  This could include washing dishes, emptying the trash, vacuuming, helping pick up leaves or wash the car, and the various household and yard responsibilities of being a family member. Affirmations and discussions of any problems were accomplished at these meetings as well.  Dr. Dinkmeyer's book mentioned previously discusses family meetings.

 Boy Scouts also helped teach the boys a lot about responsibility and commitment.  It also prepared them for the fellowship found in a well-balanced life.

Overall, I believe one of the strongest teachers of responsibility is having a pet.  When our youngest son was 16 months of age, we became the owners of a Chesapeake Bay retriever puppy whom we named Woodsie.  Our friends took her sister.  Our sons were able to watch her grow up and in the process learned all the phases of an animal's life and the responsibilities involved with each stage.

 Having Woodsie taught our sons what was necessary to take care of a living animal.  They learned to feed her and make certain she had water and a clean dish.

They played with her inside and out, showing her lots of love and affection.  She was part of the family!

They also learned to let her rest, rather with them or alone when she needed it.

Woodsie was such an amazing dog for the boys.  I was able to teach her the safe area for her to be, where she would never be punished or scolded, and where she was not permitted, such as in the bedrooms and the living room.  (Even when we moved to the new house, she would run from the family room through the rec room to the foyer rather than go through the living room!)  She learned to not jump on the boys when they were running and even limped her paws when rough housing with them so they would not get scratched.  We could not have asked for a better dog and when we put her to rest at age 16, it was hard on all of us.  As my youngest son expressed it, taking care of Woodsie helped with responsibility, love, boundaries, as well as handling the loss when she passed. There were other pets, such as hamsters, birds, fish, even a baby squirrel, but Woodsie was there through most of their childhood.  She was loved!

There are many ways to teach responsibility to a child besides modeling it.  Be creative and enjoy being the teacher in preparing a child for success in life.