Getting Through Adolescence Drug-Free

One area of parenting that can alter the entire family structure is the use of drugs or alcohol by a child.  I was determined to prevent that from being an issue in our family.

As I look back at the actions my husband and I took in raising our sons, I realize that it was structured from what I had learned in training to teach the course "Parent To Parent" by The Passage Group, Inc. (in association with PRIDE National Parents' Resource Institute for Drug Education, Inc.) featuring Bill Oliver.  This program defines PARENT as: P - put yourself in the way; A - awareness is your best friend; R - remember the difference; E - expect and inspect; N - never cry alone; T - take time for yourself.  As I discuss what worked for us, I will connect those actions to this acrostic.

When our sons were little, we would have parties with parents and kids together (like New Year's Eve parties, birthday parties, swim or beach parties, play dates, ...)  The adults did not drink with children there because that would be exposing them to a culture to which they should not be involved with at their ages.  It is not uncommon for parents to drink or smoke in front of their children, have them get beers out of the fridge or cooler, mix their drinks for them, bring them their smokes or matches, thus participating in a minor way in the parent's drinking or smoking.  In the Addiction Tree, this would encourage the Thought, Consideration, and Attitude that these are okay actions without realizing that drinking and smoking are regulated by law based on age and body chemistry. Basically, alcohol will leave a fully mature body faster than a child's since a child is still growing and developing.  A child's liver does not process alcohol as efficiently, which is why a child who binge drinks is at a greater risk of becoming an alcoholic. Therefore, as a parent, we need to postpone their involvement with drinking and smoking.  If there is a pre-disposition to alcoholism in a family, the child needs to know that he or she cannot even drink socially as others do because they would be even more susceptible to alcoholism. 

As our sons grew, we welcomed opportunities to enjoy our sons and their friends at our house knowing we would keep it safe and alcohol/drug-free.  When one son graduated from middle school, he and a friend had a graduation party at the house.  Besides swimming, the boys set up a stage and mikes for singing and karaoke.  I called the parents of every child invited (over 100) and told them about the party, assuring them that we would have plenty of food, non-alcoholic beverages, and chaperones (inviting their participation if they chose.)  We also told them no child would be allowed to leave and come back without an acceptable explanation from the child and parent.  That way, everyone knew the parameters of the event, and we followed through.  The party was a success!  Another son wanted a couples sleepover after the senior prom because he knew partying at a hotel room would not be permitted.  Thankfully, the guest list was smaller and I again called all parents and told them the same thing about food, beverages, and chaperones, promising this time that one of us would be awake and visible throughout the night.  After prom, the couples had a wonderful time in the pool, playing pool and games, and snacking, and some even slept, but no one engaged in sex or alcohol or drugs because we kept our word - we were with them and visible all night.

When our sons were invited to parties at other houses, I would follow the same principles.  I would call the parents of the hosting child, tell them one (or more) of my sons was invited to their house for a party on a certain day.  I offered to help chaperone and donate sodas and snacks.  This let them know that 1 - a party was scheduled at their house, 2 - I expected there to be chaperones, and 3 - I expected there to not be alcohol.  Parent responses varied each time!  Once the parent said "Thank you.  We had something scheduled to do and did not know about a party!"  Another time the parent said, "Oh that's okay.  We were going to give them their space and try not to be in the way."  Our sons did not go to that party because of our boundaries. The one that bothered me the most was when a father told me, "I knew you would call when my child said yours were invited.  But don't worry. I am having a keg since it is their high school graduation, but I will take all the kids' keys so no one could leave under the influence and try to drive home." Needless to say, our sons did not go to this party either.  And a good thing because others heard about the party, showed up uninvited, caused a fight which involved the police, and the fines and other consequences were incurred by the children involved AND the parent who provided the alcohol.

Fortunately for us, our sons understood our values and beliefs because we practiced them.  "If it wasn't legal, it wasn't acceptable."  As they matured and showed their responsibility, dependability, and accountability, they earned our trust. And with trust came additional freedom. We expect and inspect! (E) Their boundaries varied based on the events.  We would discuss where they were going and with whom, when it would end, if they were going anywhere afterwards, and we would set up an appropriate curfew.  They could not call after they were out and ask to spend the night at someone's house unless they came home and saw us first.  They also knew one of us would be up when they got home from any event.  We would hug them, check their eyes, and smell their breath!  They knew the reason we did that because it was part of the discussions and agreements we made with them as they grew and earned more freedoms.  When all three were going out and coming home at different times, they would have to wake one of us up if we had fallen asleep.  We (P) put ourselves in their lives by showing up at all their functions - track meets, swimming meets, concerts, scouting events, even working the concession at football games and chaperoning for trips, etc...  We were supportive and gave them an out to their friends.  "You know I can't have anything.  My folks are coming or will be up when I get home" or "I can't drive you guys home if I drink. I don't want to lose my license."  As they got older (with some of their friends becoming 21 before they did) and it wasn't easy to leave a party that turns out to have liquor, they came up with strategies of their own to combat the peer pressure:  drinking an uncola with a little cola in it to look like a mixed drink, adding a cherry to their soda, setting the beer down and "forgetting it" or carrying around a can filled with something nonalcoholic.  Our sons' freedoms, driving and having use of a car, having their insurance covered by us, getting to do certain things all hinged on our ability to trust them. Their friends liked and respected us and enjoyed spending time at our house so it became no big deal; they understood.  On paper it sounds harsh but it reality, it worked and the five of us were in agreement every step of the way. 

When our oldest son went to Australia as an exchange student at 20, he was at the legal drinking age there.  When he asked us how we felt about his drinking while there, we said, "If it is legal, you are fine."  Therefore, when he came home at 21, we went as a family to celebrate the missed 21st birthday. The younger brothers shared a pitcher of soda while we shared a pitcher of beer.  We laughed so much as he relayed his experiences in an Australian accent that our youngest asked if he was going to have to go out with us for his 21st birthday.  We told him yes, that it was a writ of passage!  And we did with all of them.  Our middle son's friends rang our door at midnight on his birthday and took him to a bar that gave a free drink to the birthday person according to the bouncer checking id's.  The bartender said she only did that for regulars.  He explained that he couldn't be a regular because he had just turned 21.  She then gave him several free drinks until they closed.  When we went to take him out that evening for our birthday celebration, he decided he would just be happy with a Denny's meal!  As for son number 3, we all met at Ybor City and bar hopped as a family.  It was fun and safe and full of great memories.

Now, as we visit our sons around the globe, we enjoy seeing the pubs, bars, clubs, etc.. with them as adults.  It is wonderful to be friends!

Practical Parenting X 3: The Birds and Bees Conversation

The Birds and Bees Conversation

When our sons began including girls in their group activities, their dad and I decided it was time to combine their knowledge on sex with our values in our version of the infamous “birds and bees” talk.  When I was the Parent Resource Program Coordinator, I was involved with the school district’s Health Education Curriculum, so I knew what they had been taught so far on the subjects dealing with sex education.

To acknowledge their maturing, we took them for the first time to a neat restaurant with privacy-providing booths to hear a local band they had wished to see.  During appetizers, the conversation went something like this with a lot of laughter and give and take bantering to lighten the heaviness of the conversation.

Parents: Now that you guys are getting older and showing an interest in girls, Dad and I felt there were things we needed to share with you.  One of our jobs as parents is to provide you with the information you need to make good choices.  So, when you’re out with a girl and you start necking and petting…

Sons: What does that mean?

Parents: Oh, kissing and touching all over.

Sons: Eeew.

Parents:  Believe me, you will.  And it will feel good, so good that you won’t want to stop.  We want you to be thinking with this head (pointing to their heads) rather than the other one when the time comes.

Sons:  Mom! Dad! (We all laughed!)

Parents:  Anyway!  It will start feeling good and you may want to do more.  Know that each choice you make from here on out has consequences.  You know how a baby is conceived and that abstinence is the only full-proof method to prevent pregnancy.  But did you know that there are sperm in the lubrication juices you create?  So, if you just rub your privates (penis) around her privates (vulva), she can still get pregnant.  And why is that?

Sons:  Because sperm swim.

Parents:  You guys did pay attention in school!  Yes.  Sperm swim.  So, if you decide to use the withdrawal method and pull out before you come, what can happen?

Sons: She can get pregnant – because sperm swim.

Parents:  Right! Some couples use what they call the rhythm method where they time when they have intercourse around the female’s menstrual cycle.  She is most fertile in the middle of her cycle, a cycle which starts when she starts bleeding.  So if she is regular and can determine when she will ovulate, they would avoid the days in the middle when she is most fertile.  Many teens think it starts two weeks after her period ends, instead of when her period begins, so they often have sex at the wrong time and she gets pregnant.  Do you think you would want to ask your date during this amorous time what her cycle is?  No?  Kind of a mood breaker!

                So if you really want to have sex, you will have to take other precautions knowing that nothing is full-proof except abstinence.  The use of condoms is one alternative that is under the responsibility of the boy.  But with condoms there are things you need to know.  Check the expiration date to make sure it is still useable.  Check the package to see that it has not been punctured.  If it is lubricated, know that it goes “lubrication out” when you put it on.  And use one with Noxell 9 since that can kill the HIV virus.  When putting it on, it rolls with the roll on the outside. Be sure to leave enough room at the top to hold what you ejaculate since you don’t want it to burst.  And take it off after the first use; it can’t be used again.  (This gave the instructions on how to use a condom without giving them the condoms or permission to have sex.)

                What if she says she is on the pill or using some other birth control method? Ask yourself why she is on birth control.  I would question it unless you guys are older and have been seeing this girl for a long time.  And is she being truthful? One of your Godfathers has a child because the mother said she was on the pill.  She was lying because she wanted him to marry her.  They didn’t marry, but he will be paying her child support until this child is an adult.  Besides that, many things can affect birth control pills.  If the girl has gained a lot of weight, doesn’t remember to take the pill every day or takes it at irregular times of the day, is taking an antibiotic for some other issue – all could negate the effect and success of the pill.  The in-your-arm birth control can also be affected by all of these but the timing of taking.  As for the other ways, do some fact-finding before going further. This would halt the “spur of the moment” sex drive, which is not a bad thing.  We know you guys are still young, but unless you want this talk frequently throughout your life, we’ll touch on everything now and be available if you have any questions later on.  Okay? 

                Say you take precautions and she still gets pregnant, what are your choices? She can choose to have an abortion.  Emotionally, this is so hard.  It may be the right thing to do if it means a baby having a baby, but down the road, many have regrets and religious conflicts.  It is her body and she needs to make the decision.  Parenting is not an easy, inexpensive hobby.  It is a life-time commitment for everyone involved.  It takes more than love and can be so wonderful if you are in a position to enjoy it.  You are not at an age to be a good father for your child since you are still learning and growing yourselves.  And know that this could have been your first-born child and our grandchild.  Not an easy decision.  You will need to be there for her but why put either of you in that position.

                If she decides to have the baby and give it up for adoption, you have no say.  (The law has since changed.)  You remember your friend from church whose girlfriend got pregnant the first time they had sex and she gave up the baby boy.  He and his family are still torn up about it since first sons are a big deal in his culture and they would have liked to have had him in their lives.  We would feel the same way knowing one of our grandchildren belongs to someone else.  That is hard. 

                If she decides to have the baby and keep it, she will be in your life forever whether you love her or not.  Will you marry her?  If not, how will you tell future girlfriends or your future wife that you have a child?  When in the relationship will you tell them? If they already know, you will be concerned about what they expect from you sexually.  Dating and learning what love is all about is hard enough.  Once you start having sex in a relationship, sex often becomes the focus of the relationship and halts the “getting to know you” portion that is so important in “true love” and a lasting marriage.  

                Your best bet in not getting a girl pregnant is to abstain until marriage.  Then, when you do decide to have a child, you will be in the position to handle all the joys of having a child and all the responsibilities that come with it.

                And male or female, your virginity is a gift you can only give once so be very, very sure that whomever you give it to is worthy of the gift.

               

               

Your Child's Self Esteem

According to Parenting Young Children (PYC) by Dinkmeyer, McKay, and Dinkmeyer:
     "Self-esteem is a positive view of oneself....Our feelings of self-worth are beliefs that form
     the basis of our personality and determine how we use our abilities.  When we believe we
     are valuable, lovable, and worthwhile, we are more ready to meet life's challenges."

As adults, we can review our history to see what actions had help make us who we are and analyze our perceptions of events in our past to determine if we had interpreted them accurately.  Children have to learn to do this by trial and error.  We can guide them.  The first step in that is developing mutual respect.  That is where you both believe and behave as if you are "unconditionally valuable" (PYC).  You treat your child with respect and expect the same treatment from the child.  This respect is modeled and demonstrated between partners and friends and observed by the child.  Screaming, hitting, threatening, belittling, not letting them do things for themselves all show lack of respect.  But letting the child take charge inappropriately is not showing respect for yourself.  For examples, spend time observing others when you are out and about or when watching television or a movie or even sharing a book.  Discuss these situations with your children as to what is acceptable and respectful and what is not and why.  Use negative actions observed to teach what you would like to see happen if it were your family in that situation.  You can't eliminate the outside influences but you can neutralize those that you do not want your children to model.  True, children need to learn from their mistakes, but you don't want the consequences to be harmful to the child.  And your job as a parent is to give the child the information to make good choices knowing that ultimately the choice is up to the child making it.

I found that encouraging my sons, recognizing effort and improvement, and frankly discussing what the each child's goal was helps.  Brainstorming solutions so the child learns that sense of decision-making and the resulting feelings of success for a good decision or reanalyzing to try again is beneficial.  We see babies do that when they are learning to pull themselves up and toddlers do that when putting blocks in holes. But as they grow, we often find that risk-taking wain by discouragement of others fearful for the child, or by praise rather than encouragement from the parent that takes the focus off of the child being self-motivated and puts it on striving to please others.  We must believe in our children if they are going to believe in themselves.

Don't forget to take time for fun with your children. 

Let them know that they are unconditionally loved by your words and actions.  That sense of security and "all is right in their world" lets them know they can be themselves, that you all have the courage to be imperfect, and that you are there for each other as a family.

Developing the Sense of Responsibility

As a parent, one of our goals for our children is that they develop a sense of responsibility.  This concept can be introduced at a young age by allowing them to help.  Let them set the table starting with napkins and then adding silverware, cups, plates, etc... as they are capable.  This teaches them one-to-one correspondence - one napkin for each place - as well.  Letting them bring you their place settings when they are done or empty the room trash cans into the big trash receptacle are other ways.  Cleaning up any mess they make teaches responsibility and accountability for one's actions.

I would let my sons make their own beds but taught it in steps, working backward with the process.  First, I would make it up to the point where the cover went on, and that was their task.  Then, I would not go quite as far in the bed making so they were gradually doing more each day or week until they were doing it all.  This way, they always felt a sense of accomplishment without my having to "finish" or "redo" what they had done, a sure way to discourage effort.

Putting away their toys was also their responsibility.  We had toy boxes so it would be an easy process.  When we graduated to bins, they learned to sort or only work with toys in one bin at a time.  We allowed time before the bedtime reading and tuck-ins to put things away.  If they chose not to do so, items left out went into one big box in which they would have to hunt to find their stuff, or into a bag which was put out of their sight and reach until a later time decided by the parent.

Laundry was done in a similar manner.  At first, I washed everything and then they sorted their clothes (since they knew which "under-roos" were whose!)  When they had their own rooms, they had their own hampers.  I had a day assigned to each for laundry, so if it was in the hamper on their day, it was washed.  If not, they would have to ask their brothers for permission to include the forgotten items in with their clothes.  As they aged, I taught them how to do their own laundry if something was forgotten, but it had to be a full load - once again requiring them to ask a brother if he had something to add.

Chores were assigned or selected or traded at family meetings held informally each week.  This could include washing dishes, emptying the trash, vacuuming, helping pick up leaves or wash the car, and the various household and yard responsibilities of being a family member. Affirmations and discussions of any problems were accomplished at these meetings as well.  Dr. Dinkmeyer's book mentioned previously discusses family meetings.

 Boy Scouts also helped teach the boys a lot about responsibility and commitment.  It also prepared them for the fellowship found in a well-balanced life.

Overall, I believe one of the strongest teachers of responsibility is having a pet.  When our youngest son was 16 months of age, we became the owners of a Chesapeake Bay retriever puppy whom we named Woodsie.  Our friends took her sister.  Our sons were able to watch her grow up and in the process learned all the phases of an animal's life and the responsibilities involved with each stage.

 Having Woodsie taught our sons what was necessary to take care of a living animal.  They learned to feed her and make certain she had water and a clean dish.

They played with her inside and out, showing her lots of love and affection.  She was part of the family!

They also learned to let her rest, rather with them or alone when she needed it.

Woodsie was such an amazing dog for the boys.  I was able to teach her the safe area for her to be, where she would never be punished or scolded, and where she was not permitted, such as in the bedrooms and the living room.  (Even when we moved to the new house, she would run from the family room through the rec room to the foyer rather than go through the living room!)  She learned to not jump on the boys when they were running and even limped her paws when rough housing with them so they would not get scratched.  We could not have asked for a better dog and when we put her to rest at age 16, it was hard on all of us.  As my youngest son expressed it, taking care of Woodsie helped with responsibility, love, boundaries, as well as handling the loss when she passed. There were other pets, such as hamsters, birds, fish, even a baby squirrel, but Woodsie was there through most of their childhood.  She was loved!

There are many ways to teach responsibility to a child besides modeling it.  Be creative and enjoy being the teacher in preparing a child for success in life.

Developing a Love for Reading

Reading has always been an important part of my life as a child and as an adult.  I wanted to instill that in my children so we started reading to them and buying them books from birth! We began their library with Dr. Seuss and Mickey Mouse books.

 Even when a child is an infant, you can hold them and read to them while they nurse or eat, as well as incorporate reading in their bedtime ritual.  My husband would read one or more of them the newspaper while he caught up on the news for himself.  Weekend mornings began with their joining us in bed with books in hand.  My husband had the stories memorized so that he could even "read" them with his eyes shut!

You can see that the youngest was involved with the storytelling time as well.  He had brothers reading to him as an infant.

The first son has always read to his younger brother!

So there was no problem with his continuing the habit! Because of their upbringing with a book always a ready item, all three developed a love for reading together and independently.

A love of reading helps vocabulary, learning, creativity, imagination, friendship, to name a few, and encourages lifelong learning!  Teaching your child to read and enjoy the written word is a must for every parent who wants to not only help but also enjoy a child! Just looking at the pictures of my sons enjoying their books brings back such wonderful memories for my husband and me, and judging by their responses to my posts, they are sharing the same feelings!

Tasks of a Child's First Six Years

One of the parenting books I referenced in an effort to understand my sons was Your Child's Self Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs.  In it, the author explains the reasoning behind a child's actions.  The following are concepts and information taken from that book.

    First Six Years of Life

A child's cooperation up into the second year results from his not knowing any other way to behave.

Task #1: Separateness - (Age of Negativism, The Terrible Two's - The Age of Separateness)

A. Only by practicing separateness can the child capture the feeling of autonomy.  "To find me I must defy you - I have to prove my realness."

B. A child's capacity to respect others later on is measured by his capacity to respect himself now.

C. Diring the second year of life the child's primary psychological assignment is to forge a sense of self.  To do so he or she needs recognition that this self exists.

D. Autonomy is the foundation stone to future self-esteem.

E.  Practical suggestions of how you can help your child of two experience his separateness while keeping your own nerves intact:
     1. Fit his environment to his needs, eliminating as many frustrations as possible.
     2. Give him time to move from one activity to another as this age resists change.
     3. Picking up toys is easier if you play a game together.
     4. Shifting the child from one activity to another via the route of games is almost always standard   procedure.
     5. Positive suggestions are preferable to direct orders.
     6. Using a kitchen timer helps a child avoid seeing Mom or Dad as the heavy.
     7. Invent nonsense games that allow "No's" to be practiced:  "Can Teddy fly in the sky like a bird?" or "Is milk pink?"

F.  Be aware of the following:
     1. Tyrants rule the pot - You go a long way preserving your sanity and your child's self esteem by either forgetting toilet training during this period or clearly indicating that he rules this department.
     2. Separateness breeds anxiety - The toddler craves independence but he fears desertion.
     3. Separateness means possession - To fully share, a person must first fully possess.  Only 50% of "three's" can share, and then only briefly.

Task #2: Achievement and Recognition - Once the child realizes he is separate, he strives to master himself and his environment.  Mastery underlies the feeling of competence.

A. Every time you undercut or belittle or give tasks beyond his ability, you work against the second task of self-hood - the need for mastery and recognition.

B. Practical suggestions to provide experiences that allow success:
     1. An environment that does not overwhelm.
     2. Simple, sturdy clothes.
     3. Step stools to reach faucets and light switches.
     4. Low hooks.
     5. Non carpeted floor areas.
     6. Plastic dishes and glasses.
     7. Sturdy books and toys that take rough treatment.
     8. Inexpensive furniture scaled to size.
     9. Sturdy outdoor play equipment.
     10. Sand or dirt for digging.
     11. Plenty of water to splash in outside.
     12. Space for running, jumping, and climbing.

Task #3: Initiative - Whenever possible accept each sign of initiative.  Don't crush initiative by expecting perfection in your child's budding abilitites in dressing himself, willingness to help, etc.

Task #4: Attachment to the opposite-sexed parent.

By three the child is usually aware that he is a boy or girl.  Somewhere between three and five, he needs to experience his maleness or femaleness in relation to the opposite-sexed parent.  This task begins the establishment of sexual roles.

A. Emotional attachment at this age provides each child with his first safe attempt at extablishing a romantic relationship.

B. Calm acceptance of attachment needs and the avoidance of provocative acts permit a youngster to understand, "My feelings are all right.  There is nothing wrong with me for having them.  My parents will help me keep them within bounds."

C. Helpful suggestions:
     1. Preferred sex set limits.
     2. Be aware of playing one against the other.  Ex.: teasing son by holding hands with husband.
     3. If the parent of the opposite sex is not in your home, actively seek such a person to expose to your youngster such as a neighbor, friend, or relative who is especially warm and responsive.  It needs to be someone you know well and trust explicitly.

An aside here: When I taught "Divorce and Children", this is when I would caution the parents to not let their child become attached to whomever the adult was dating if it was not a serious relationship that would last.  If there were several men or women coming and going in the adult's life because they were dating, then the child could continuously be seeking to complete this task and become confused and emotional.  It needs to be a person who is constant and stable in the child's life if possible such as a grandparent or sibling of the parent.

Task #5: Self-Centeredness

A.  Around five-and-a-half in girls and six in boys, an important psychological shift occurs.  The center of the child's universe moves from parent to child.

B. Things to be aware of:
     1. Self-centeredness comes before other-centeredness.
     2. The child's need to think of himself first does not mean that you should constantly give in to him.  It does mean that you must not make him feel guilty about total self-absorption.
     3. Be empathic but protect your rights.

Task #6: Preference for the Same Sex

A. By six, boys begin preferring masculine company and pursuits while girls prefer their mothers and other girls.

B. A prolonged period of identifying with his own sex gives the child a feeling of masculinity or femininity.  It helps establish sexual identify.

Keep in mind:
     1. The conscience only begins to take shape around age six.  Even then, however, the sense of right and wrong is shaky at best.  It needs much outside support from adults.
     2. Only as children complete the above tasks are they free for further growth.
    3. Socialization is a long, complicated process.  It requires repeated teaching in a nurturing atmosphere.
     4. Role Identification - Tying a person's sexuality to set ways of feeling and behaving is now challenged as limiting potentials.  Ex. Girls should not be aggressive or play with trucks or boys should not play with dolls or be tender. We have come a long way in understanding that!

When I used this information in teaching parenting classes, we would discuss each of this tasks and give examples, but in an effort to keep this material as true to the Your Child's Self Esteem book, I have refrained from doing so here.  Hope this is helpful.

Learning Through Play

Children learn so much through their daily play.  We as parents can encourage their developmental growth by allowing them the freedom to play within our boundaries of safety.  Purchased toys are designed to stimulate in so many ways, so read the packaging to ensure it is safe and age appropriate for your child.  Educate yourself on the skills for which each toy is designed, and expand on that as you play with your child.

Toys are designed for use in the crib so when a child is put to bed on a schedule or when indicating the need for sleep, he can play until sleep takes over.  These toys are also there so when the child awakens and is not hungry or wet, he can occupy himself instead of needing instant attention.

And as the child grows, his skills are developed even further with the toys, games, and activities we do with our children.  Eye/hand coordination is one of the skills we want our children to master.  With this skill, a child can learn to get his food in his mouth, catch jack rocks, write and paint, put together puzzles, and hit and catch. Both fine and gross motor skills are used.

Gross motor skills involve using the large muscles.

Fingers and your smaller movements are involved with fine motor skills.

Children can be very independent in their playing when allowed the freedom to explore.

We routinely used our kitchen for child's play.  The sounds and sizes and shapes all begged for children to use for discovery.  Filling egg cartons with items teaches one to one correspondence.  Banging on different size pots and pans creates a multitude of sounds for creating songs and tunes.  Whether purchased like the piano or homemade like Raggedy Andy or multipurposed like kitchen utensils, anything can be used for teachable moments.  Climbing in drawers and under tables teach child about their body space and dimension.  As always, keeping the kitchen and other rooms child-safe is essential.

The outside offers another opportunity for learning.  Normal chores such as washing the car and cleaning up the yard can be fun and interactive.

Sandboxes were an essential play area for our sons because of the multitude of skills it encouraged.  The toy soldiers battling and being buried there, trucks wrecking and crashing, hills and houses being built and destroyed; creative play had no limits.  All muscles, body and mind, were activated.
When they outgrew one sandbox, Dad built another.  When cats became a problem, a lid was added.  Eventually, a tike-hut roof was added to keep out the rain and mangoes.

Play is so essential to a child's learning that we need to focus on letting it happen naturally and with our help.  What a fun task for a parent!